my annual hello

I read today that “if you announce your goals, you’re less likely to succeed.” I don’t completely agree that that’s true for me. If I tell people I am going to do something, I want to make sure I do it. I have this fear of disappointing others that’s up there in my list of fears. Like, Fear Number Three, following just after the death of family or myself. So, when I tell people my goals, I want to make sure I achieve them. If I only tell myself, I know I’ll be all right with the failure. But there’s a lot to figure into the equation of setting and achieving aspirations. A goal needs to be realistic. A goal can remain a goal for a long time. A goal can be not reached and still not be a complete failure. But maybe I am saying that because I pretty much proved that research true if you look at my last post.

Almost a year ago, I radioed back in and announced I was going to keep up with my blogs (both of them) AND have art to sell by the end of the year 2014. Well, that didn’t happen. Was it because I announced it publicly for the world to see? Considering the “world” for my little blog consists of basically me and the few kind people who like my Facebook post that announces a new entry is out but who don’t actually click on the link, I don’t know if this counts as announcing it to others. Ha!

But, I could just say “ditto” to my last post. I have continued to create a long list of posts to write. Some are drafts. Some are still a mental outline. I suffer from a gold and green personality combination. My gold side needs to try to do a thousand things at once, convinced that I can do it all, (just give me five more minutes) and then stresses when it doesn’t all go the way I had hoped. My green side is meticulous and needs every thing planned out and researched to perfection. It’s the perfect recipe for procrastination. Gold me says it’ll get done just let me do these other twenty things first and Green me is content because it wants to be sure that what I do get done is absolutely perfect.

My point is, I don’t have any art to sell. I haven’t kept up with either blog. I didn’t do anything I said I was going to do a year ago. But they’re still goals! And I will achieve them, but I am at peace with the understanding they may not unfold the way I originally hoped. I’ve also come to the realization that some changes have had to take place in my life in order for me to ensure the most important goals will be realized.

I’ve recently resigned from one job, an extremely difficult decision, but one that I know is healthy for me to make. I’m sure I’ll still be putting in 60 plus hours a week working, but only 40 will be at a physical workplace. The rest will be spent on working on the many goals I’ve laid out for myself. (Do I dare share them, or should I keep them a secret so that they actually happen?)

Bah. There’s always an exception to everything. Here goes.

I decided before I moved back to Central Wisconsin that I would work a lot, save a lot, pay off student loans, and then go travel the world. I did some thinking and thought that teaching English somewhere would allow me to live in a foreign country, travel around the place I taught, and still make–some–money while doing it. At first I figured I’d still wait a few years, you know, after all my loans were paid off. They are probably not going to be paid off in the five years that I hoped, (was it because I told people I was going to do that?) so if I continue to wait for that to happen, I may never get to see the world, and we only live once, right? I can’t imagine just working and staying put forever (for me personally, that is), and I have heard from so many to do this now, before I do get too comfortable and more things happen to make it more difficult to leave. Besides, there’s too much to experience in the world. Too much to learn. If I could be paid to learn things, I would do that. I would love to be a professional learner. Teaching is pretty close to that. So, I’m aiming to be somewhere in Central or South America come January 2016. I’m working on an online course that will certify me as a TEFL instructor. This goal terrifies me, but in the best way possible, and I know all the anxiety and sacrifice will be worth it.

Keeping up on my course and trying to pursue my freelancy-type projects and working at two jobs finally began to burn me out after a year and a half. And I’m excited to have found a way to make time for me to do more editing, more design work, volunteer to teach creative writing, to try to use my certification before I go, to make time to actually apply for jobs, to create art, read, write, and to spend time with my friends (newfound and old) and my family, etc.

So, here’s my annual hello. I’m not saying I will keep up weekly; I don’t want to jinx myself. But it won’t be another year before you hear from me again. I am giving up time with a family at a wonderful workplace to provide time to explore what makes me me, to experience what I want to define me. It’s the beginning of a new journey, and I expect I’ll be sharing a few words every once in a while about it.

Thanks lovely few for tuning in. Until next time.  . .

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But really,

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